D. H. Lawrence said, “All I want of you men and women is that you shall achieve your own beauty as the flowers do”. Authentic living is a way of life that is original to you and you alone. There is no one like you. You are the only copy of you. No matter how similar a family member may look to you, the similarities only go so far.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where individuality is fast becoming extinct. The prevailing culture is to shape yourself to look, feel and act like the stimuli you receive dictate to you. It has become perfectly acceptable to be in a way that societal norms and expectations dictate, often at the detriment of the person within. Oh the ideas are not presented in a way that shows their danger. No, they are wrapped in beautiful and shiny exteriors that blind one to the dangers they represent.
The Personality Ethic vs The Character Ethic
Stephen Covey discussed the Personality Ethic and the Character Ethic in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In the book, he described the personality ethic as one that focused essentially on outward appearances – a kind of outside-in solution. The paradigm of the personality ethic, in essence, was that you could ‘act’ or ‘speak’ your way into the life of your dreams. It focused on keeping an acceptable public image, working on skills and techniques to make it possible to keep up that image. He described this paradigm as a ‘quick-fix’ that placed a band aid on the wounds of an injured society.
The character ethic, on the other hand, focused on the inside. It taught that there are basic principles for effective living, which we will call authentic living, and that people can only find true success and enduring happiness when they begin to integrate the principles of this paradigm into their basic character. An inside-out approach to life.
Note that the personality ethic, where you work on your personality, communication skills, and positive thinking, among others, is also valid. In fact, those skills are quite essential in the world we find ourselves in today. The danger lies in living your life based solely on the dictates of the personality ethic.
However, the character ethic teaches principles – how imbibing those principles into your life, using them to live an authentic life, is so much more powerful and yields lasting (and I’m talking about lifetime-lasting) results for you. In fact, by integrating the principles of the character ethic, I dare say, you will be able to get better results with the strategies of the personality ethic.
Then you can be genuinely positive in your thinking, attitude, relationship with others and degree of influence with others.
Why?
Because these things flow from a core that is in agreement with its outward appearance. You can be kind and considerate towards others because on your inside, you have imbibed the principles of temperance, patience, humility and fidelity. You are no longer acting. You are Being. You are being authentic.
Let’s face it; authentic living is packed with so many benefits that it’s a wonder the entire world is not striving to live this way. However, when we take a closer look at what it takes to constantly live authentically, we begin to see why it has no appeal for the larger populace. We begin to see why the personality ethic with its outside-in approach continues to gain ground. We begin to see why the “fake it till you make it maxim” continues to be the watchword for so many people.
Why?
It takes time to build the depth and strength that the character ethic gives you to live authentically. Authentic living requires so much input and effort when you are just starting out.
Living authentically can be likened to somebody that plants an oak tree or oil palm tree. It takes years of hard work to get both trees to sprout and live past their “shoot” stages. But once they are done with that stage, they can live and thrive on their own without needing the farmer’s input anymore. Note, however, that the farmer does not get returns on his investment yet. He still has to wait for years for the trees to mature and start bearing fruits that he can sell, make money from and cater for his family.
The personality ethic, however, can be likened to planting corn which starts yielding returns on investment in as little as 90 days. You begin to see the allure when you know that all you have to do is to endure this way of life for a few months before you start getting the results you want, or think you want.
Unfortunately, the results are not long-lasting. They are not enduring like the oil palm or the oak tree. They last only as long as it takes you to finish the harvest from your corn planting.
Then, it’s back to square one. You have to start the process all over again and again and again in a vicious cycle that takes you nowhere. However, when you have a ‘long-haul mentality’, you will understand the value of planting oil palm and begin to do the necessary things.
Ways to develop authentic living
Be hungry
Be hungry enough for a change. Be hungry enough to do whatever it would take and endure whatever requires enduring to develop the muscles of inner strength and character you need to live authentically. In the early days, you will find it difficult to make the required adjustments for lasting personal change. You will find it easier and more attractive to continue as you have been living. This is where being hungry will help you. The depth of your hunger for personal transformation will hold you firmly, keeping you going when giving up dangles itself in front of you. So I say to you – Be Hungry.
Understand that Authentic living is a journey not a destination
Enjoy every step of it. It is a journey that involves moving in a direction that is most authentic to you. Sometimes, people fall into the trap of being so focused on getting ‘there’ that they never get to understand that there is no ‘there’. It is a cycle, a spiral, if you wish. It is an exploration of the authentic person living inside you. T.S. Eliot puts it this way.
We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot
To this, I add, ‘Enjoy every exploratory step and every little quirk, flaw and treasure you uncover along the way; for from this, stems the beauty of authentic living’.
Understand that the journey will require vulnerability from you and get comfortable with the idea.
One result of living life based on the dictates of the personality ethic is the ability to put on a facade and live behind the facade for as long as you can. However, opting for authentic living will require your putting off the facade and exposing the vulnerable one inside of you. It is dropping the facade of the ‘put-together’ person and embracing the authenticity of ‘I don’t know what the hell I am doing, but I am ready to learn’.
Stephen Covey puts it this way – “Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education.” He also quotes Thoreau, “How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?”
Note though, that it is not going to be easy. Nobody likes looking like a fool. It is even more distressing if the world had thought you knowledgeable only for the facade to fall off and the painfully ignorant person within is revealed. But in that distress lies the beginning of strength – strength like you have never known it.
The popular slang, “You can never shame the shameless” then begins to apply to you and then you begin to advance – one difficult step at a time till one day, you discover that advancement and authentic living comes to you as easily as breathing.